Honorable Patrick Obahiagbon in an interview with Punch Newspaper revealed his ordeal with the west african examination council exam (WAEC).
He said his Results were seized twice ‘cos of the ‘big grammars’
he used.
Punch: Did you write exams in school in these
big words?
Honorable: I used such words very-very freely in my exams both at
the secondary school and in my university and little wonder I had the
misfortune of my English results being seized intermittently in my O’
Levels.WAEC released my results for the other subjects and withheld my English
result. This happened for about three years. Twice, I passed theUniversity
Matriculation Examinationbut I could not proceed to the University because of
my English results that were not released. At the end of the day, it was
released after the third attempt.
Punch: Why do you always use ‘big grammar’?
Honorable: I am not really consensus ad idem with those who opine
that my idiolect is advertently obfuscative. No no no, it’s just that I am in
my elements when the colloquy has to do with the pax nigeriana of our dreams
and one necessarily needs to fulminate against the alcibiadian modus vivendi of
our prebendal political class.
Punch: How do you talk to your wife, children
and even your friends?
Honourable: I relate with my family and friends very warmly and in
an atmosphere of camaraderie, stripped of my confutational habiliment and
gladiatorial homilies. I am a very peaceful, calm, level-headed and celestially
attuned soul personality.
Punch: Is this the way you proposed to your
wife, speaking high tech grammar?
Honourable: Of course, the business of the day when I interfaced
with mywife on matters of the heart had to be in plain Caeser’s languageand you
can decipher why that had to be so. The matter in view did not permit itself of
sphinxian conundrum.
Punch: Do you know that many people don’t
take you too seriously when you talk because they think you are not communicating?
Honourable: Why will I be perturbed from ensconcing myself in the
palatable arms of Morpheus because people have deprived themselves of the
cultivation of the regime of the mental magnitude? I read all the farrago of
baloneys and vacuous bunkum from pepper soup objurgators. The spirit of
animadversion remains their fundamental human right. It also remains an
indubitable fact that I get millions and millions of requests daily from people
all over the world requesting for my verbal mentorship which positive
cosmopolitan reactions have assisted my equipoise and righteous sense of
pachydermatous garb. I cannot put my nose to the grindstone daily and expect to
be understood by those luxuriating in a modus vivendi, verging on pepper
souping, goat heading, suyaing, big stouting and isiewulising. Has a
philosophical wag not once pontificated that things of the spirit are
spiritually discerned and that it takes the deep to call the deep? We will
speak more on this matter of critiques and chichi dodo another day.
Punch: Why do you pull your trousers up
beyond the waist?
Honourable: Hahahaha….That trousers style is called Yohji
Yamamoto. It was my own audacious statement to demonstrate against the
pervasive tendency of Nigerians especially our youths that took to the practice
of putting on trousers exposing their lower anatomical contours and I will do
it over and over again.
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